Relationship Problems Ė Understanding the Infidelity Equation!

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Published: 04th July 2012
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One of the biggest factors that will drive a marriage to the brink of disaster is trying to change your partner! If you have been guilty of pursuing that counterproductive course of action you may as well stop because not only will your efforts prove unsuccessful, but they will also destroy your marriage! You canít change your partner, only he can change himself! Honestly, has all your pleading prodding, begging and threatening stopped him from cheating? If you donít fix the underlying issues that caused him to stray in the first place, heíll continue with the status quo Ė even if he has to accomplish it covertly. The only way to get your husband to stop cheating is by changing your self! Sure, you can act rashly by pulling the plug and filing for divorce; however, without investing in some personal growth and development, you wonít learn a thing. And, youíll probably attract another cheater the next time around as well. In my opinion, if you change your side of the equation, in all likelihood, your partner will do the same.

I like to think of a troubled marriage as an equation such as B + B= UNHAPPY MARRIAGE. Now, having said that let me pose a hypothetical for a moment; if one side of the equation were to change the other will change, and we end with A+A=HAPPY MARRIAGE. So, how do you change the equation? Well, letís look at the situation from your husbandís perspective. First, let me say that regardless of how he perceives his infidelity, it is wrong. But, if you want to save your marriage, you must step into his shoes for a moment. In his mind, infidelity is a solution for fulfilling the emotional needs that youíve failed to deliver. Take a few moments to reflect on this. Iíll bet you can uncover the fears and insecurities that pushed him out the door. Fear of abandonment or intimacy, jealousy, control, or low self-esteem issues are often the culprits responsible.

Realistically speaking, you want your husband to change his cheating behavior, and he wants you to stop controlling his every move, being jealous of his friendships, being fearful of him leaving you, and to become a confident women. However, both you and your husband are resistant to change. So, can you see where this is going? It's all about change isn't it! So, how do you get your partner to change? Well, first let me say that people are resistant to change because someone else is forcing or manipulating them to take action. Remember, you can't change him! Prodding, pleading, arguing, and threatening him will not work. Only he can change himself.

Now, you may be skeptical, and in fact you may even be thinking that your husband canít change! If thatís whatís running through your mind, I would like to offer the following statement; HE ALREADY DID CHANGE! Initially, your husband was the loving, caring, faithful, and understanding person that you wanted, and you made a connection with him that ultimately blossomed into marriage. However, somewhere along the line your husband changed, didnít he? Just so happens the change he made didnít make a positive contribution to the marriage, did it? Therefore, he did change! And itís possible for him to change again. However, if you truly want to save your marriage, you must change the only part of the equation that you can Ė yours! If you change, it is highly likely that your husband will follow your lead. HENCE A+A=HAPPY MARRIAGE!


David Roppo
The Relationship Rehab Coach

If youíd like to learn how to save and transform a relationship, click on the link below to download my free e-course and audio program.

relationship problems

how to save a relationship

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